Jeffrey Page's Weblog

The Great Void

payjata — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 20:54:49 +0000

Blogs are funny things. The existence of a blog assumes that you have something to say that’s worth hearing (or reading). But what do you do when you don’t even want to hear your own thoughts, let alone type them down? Here’s the deal. I really enjoy writing. I think I might actually even be good at it. But it requires a lot of time and patience, both things I have precious little of. I have no clue how my friends Refe, Kristin, and Michael find the time to do it. All three are currently writing, or have written, books. All three are passionate about the process. Me? I’m already tired, and I’ve only plunked out a dozen sentences, and not very coherently. However, I have bunches (which is plural for “a crapload”) of thoughts, so maybe I ought to start jotting them down. At least if I blog it, I won’t have a massive accumulation of paper journals. So you might be seeing some more from me in this little digital world. At least, that’s what I’m thinking right now. Maybe.

“frick” – It’s the “F” word, but for Christians! :-)

payjata — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 16:12:38 +0000

I’ve found an alarming trend in my language over the past year. I have a tendency to cuss without cussing. You know the drill. Take any inappropriate word that you might want to shout out, and change it’s pronunciation slightly. Let’s see…

frick, frickin, farging, friggin, shat, shiznit, arse (the British/American cussword!), a-hole, “G”"D”—I could go on and on. Oh, don’t forget the “brought-to-you-by-the-letter” cussword, “eff-ing”. Why do I pepper my language with this stuff? Is it’s usage not a picture of my heart? Is it not the linguistic version of the lustful, “I can look, I just can’t touch”?

This blog is coming out a little “tongue-in-cheek”, but I’m really serious. I’m reminded of the words of James: “Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?” In other words, if my heart is pure before God, can I actually be saying things that are both “pure in heart” and “tainted in heart”? My quasi-curse words are tainted. Poison you can’t see is still poison.

It’s like when I was a little kid. We used to pretend to “flip each other off”. But what you did instead was you raise your ring finger instead of your middle finger. Can’t get in trouble for that now, can you? Not actually the bird! Get your parents on a technicality!

I don’t want to escape on a technicality anymore. My speech will always be a true reflection of my heart. And I want my heart to be pure. When I use words like the ones I’ve listed above, it’s because the real words are deep within me. And I want them out. I want my speech to glorify the Lord, even when I’m not talking about Him. I want it to build up and encourage those around me.

Thoughts?

Radio Friendly Unit Shifter

payjata — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 23:07:35 +0000

Because of the unusual and merciless badgering/harassment of my good friend/enemy canned tuma (in spring water), Chicken of the Sea(cret Place), I will put this post up, even though I’m not into it right now. Being a criminal mastermind has its drawbacks. There’s zoning issues and lawyers, henchman that are always getting into trouble, dangerous guard-gribbles to contend with, and of course, most folks know my identity. However, I must rant about what my next week at my day-job looks like. I am transitioning to a new store. The exiting manager of that store will be leaving this week. I will not be taking over for 2 weeks, when a new entering manager, who doesn’t live here yet, will be taking over my store. In the meantime, I’m training 2 new people, as well as 2 new supervisors, ensuring that my current ASM is ready for a store by the end of November (turning 8 months of training into 8 WEEKS of training), teaching classes, changing my entire cash handling system, and getting ready for a new promotion. Confused yet? I am. I’ve practically forgotten the joy of being on vacation, but I will definitely record my thoughts in the near future. That’s the crazy thing about work, you know? You can get comfortable with everything going at a nice little click, and then suddenly, BAM. Your day becomes, well, like this.. P.S. If you want to hear a little bit about my New Mexico trip to hold you over, you can check out my post on the Tuma blog HERE.

Vacation

payjata — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 12:47:27 +0000

OK, friends. I’ve got a vacation coming up, and I have no idea what to do with it. I must let some of you know, and I mean those of you of the Sandia variety, that it’s looking like I’ll be unable to go anywhere during this vacation. It’s the lousiest thing, really. I’ve got about 8 days to use up, and all before the end of September. But I have no money to do anything that I’ve longed to do, and I’ve really got no motivation to do anything here. So I’m opening this comment-forum for suggestions. There are some groundrules: (1) It can’t be illegal. Unless I won’t get caught. Or if I get caught I have to be able to fulfill my jail time within the 8 days. (2) It needs to be in the Kansas City Metro Area, or a short drive away. (3) It better not have ANYTHING to do with entering a Starbucks. Other than those things, I’m pretty open. Discuss.

Music

payjata — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 09:12:15 +0000

I really am motivated to improve on guitar. But then I see videos like this and think, “Well, the world needs ditch-diggers too, I guess.”

Money. It’s like Monkey without the K

payjata — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 01:12:17 +0000

Money. Is there any topic less/more desirable? Money is the single-most divisive item on the planet. Every single political argument in the upcoming election has its roots in money. The most stressful thing in my life, or the lack thereof, is grounded in money, or the lack thereof.
“You cannot love both God and Money.” (Matthew 6:24)
“The love of Money is the root of all kinds of evil.” (1 Timothy 6:10)
“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.” (Hebrews 13)
It killed Judas. It killed Ananias and Sapphira. Laodicea was condemned in part because of their attitude toward riches.The signs are innumerable. And yet I want MORE of it. What’s up with that?
The faithful around me are no help. It never fails. I constantly hear stories of this person or that person who felt called to give to some guy, or donate to this ministry, or put their last 20 dollars in the collection plate, and when they got home, there was a brand new Mercedes in the driveway with tickets to Europe in the glove compartment and a castle waiting for them in Luxembourg. I don’t have any of these cool stories to share. All of my blessings are in the natural. By that, I mean that I have been given no more (to the human eye at least) than my friends who spit on the cross Jesus was nailed to.
There are times when financially I feel like a housefly caught in between two panes of glass. I’m busting my hump trying to get somewhere. I can SEE it. The thing in between me and the life I desire is imperceptible. I know I can get there if I just try a little harder. BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
The Lord is going to test our hearts SO MUCH in this area in the decades to come. I don’t know if this is part of the test, or if it’s proof that I’m going to fail the test that arrives. I only know how to be faithful. What I do NOT know is how to be encouraged while being faithful. If God asks me to double my giving, that means I have a huge gap in my budget. Oh, and “treasures in heaven”, right?
Well, yes, actually. Treasures you can’t see are still treasures, no? And maybe I can’t see them, because I couldn’t possibly handle seeing them right now. Maybe the treasures that I’m getting are just a little bit better than a new Jeep, you think? Maybe the key to not being troubled by Money is to get rid of it. That’s how I deal with rashes, anyway.
Maybe there’s an ointment.

Something I hadn’t noticed…

payjata — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 20:30:48 +0000

For a while now, I’ve been so frustrated, because I haven’t known what I was supposed to do with my life. I don’t mean in the moment; I’m thinking more long-term. Ministry is really weird like that, especially when it’s not where the paycheck is coming from. My focus is so often redirected toward the mundane business of trying to survive, pay bills, move forward with my career, etc. It’s really a confusing place to be when what I like most in the world is worshipping, praying, meeting with my friends, cooking (wow, I really like cooking–a late discovery). Maybe I could plant a church where we pray and worship God while cooking, eating, and chilling out all day!Anyway, it was actually kind of freaking me out, like I would never get a handle on my life. But I read something last week that really encouraged me. There’s a song by Darrell Evans called Trading My Sorrows. Not really a big Darrell fan, but I used to lead that song in worship. It takes a passage out of 2 Corinthians 4, and in it he sings: “I’m pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.” Because I knew that song, I thought I knew that bible passage. But I was reading the other day, and this is what it actually says (2 Corinthians 8:8-9):”We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”Did you catch that? PERPLEXED, BUT NOT IN DESPAIR. Let’s face it. I’m a Christian in America, which means I’m not very liked by many people, just because I follow Christ. And many people are not big fans of “church people”. I may be different from “them” in a lot of ways, but they’re still my brothers and sisters in the faith. There will come a time in the future (possibly NEAR future) where many will hate me because of my association with Jesus, maybe even people who currently like me very much. That’s what I’ve signed on for. Right now it’s happening in China and Northern India every day, and it just happened to 3 new Christian converts this week in Turkey. They were tortured and killed, one of them being stabbed 157 times for loving Jesus. That’s not happening here yet, but it will.So no, I don’t really know first-hand what it means to be PRESSED, PERSECUTED, or STRUCK DOWN. But man, I know all about PERPLEXED. I’ve got a stinkin’ Ph.D. in PERPLEXED. This is what I found encouraging. I’ve always considered persecution to be a normal part of the Christian walk (even though I haven’t experienced it yet). But I never considered that being confused was a part of it. And I’m not talking about the regular confusion that I used to have. I’m meaning the kind of confusion that INCREASES the CLOSER I get to God. I lived under an illusion that it would bring all kinds of clarity. In reality, it brings an incredible STABILITY, but that’s not the same thing. The more I learn of Jesus, the more I sacrifice things to follow Him, the more instense my confusion, and LONGING, becomes. How can someone who embodies TRUTH be such an enigma at times?