For a while now, I’ve been so frustrated, because I haven’t known what I was supposed to do with my life. I don’t mean in the moment; I’m thinking more long-term. Ministry is really weird like that, especially when it’s not where the paycheck is coming from. My focus is so often redirected toward the mundane business of trying to survive, pay bills, move forward with my career, etc. It’s really a confusing place to be when what I like most in the world is worshipping, praying, meeting with my friends, cooking (wow, I really like cooking–a late discovery). Maybe I could plant a church where we pray and worship God while cooking, eating, and chilling out all day!Anyway, it was actually kind of freaking me out, like I would never get a handle on my life. But I read something last week that really encouraged me. There’s a song by Darrell Evans called Trading My Sorrows. Not really a big Darrell fan, but I used to lead that song in worship. It takes a passage out of 2 Corinthians 4, and in it he sings: “I’m pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.” Because I knew that song, I thought I knew that bible passage. But I was reading the other day, and this is what it actually says (2 Corinthians 8:8-9):”We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”Did you catch that? PERPLEXED, BUT NOT IN DESPAIR. Let’s face it. I’m a Christian in America, which means I’m not very liked by many people, just because I follow Christ. And many people are not big fans of “church people”. I may be different from “them” in a lot of ways, but they’re still my brothers and sisters in the faith. There will come a time in the future (possibly NEAR future) where many will hate me because of my association with Jesus, maybe even people who currently like me very much. That’s what I’ve signed on for. Right now it’s happening in China and Northern India every day, and it just happened to 3 new Christian converts this week in Turkey. They were tortured and killed, one of them being stabbed 157 times for loving Jesus. That’s not happening here yet, but it will.So no, I don’t really know first-hand what it means to be PRESSED, PERSECUTED, or STRUCK DOWN. But man, I know all about PERPLEXED. I’ve got a stinkin’ Ph.D. in PERPLEXED. This is what I found encouraging. I’ve always considered persecution to be a normal part of the Christian walk (even though I haven’t experienced it yet). But I never considered that being confused was a part of it. And I’m not talking about the regular confusion that I used to have. I’m meaning the kind of confusion that INCREASES the CLOSER I get to God. I lived under an illusion that it would bring all kinds of clarity. In reality, it brings an incredible STABILITY, but that’s not the same thing. The more I learn of Jesus, the more I sacrifice things to follow Him, the more instense my confusion, and LONGING, becomes. How can someone who embodies TRUTH be such an enigma at times?